Journal

    Derek swept the dusty rag over the wooden surface over his and his roommate’s dresser. The dorm he and Charlie, his roommate, shared at their boarding school was next to miniscule, but it collected a mess astoundingly fast. Charlie was absent, off on a search for a dustpan so that the pair could begin sweeping.

    Charlie was what Derek considered to be a friend; his only friend, in fact. He was slightly unsure of whether Charlie returned the feeling, however. Because of his superior height and alarming expression(which he seemed unable to change at will), and also his unique Swedish accent, Derek had some trouble socializing and generally preferred to stay back in the shadows. As a result, the young man had few people that he could call friends, or even associates.

    Charlie, on the other hand, had to be the friendliest, most chipper person in the world, or at least the high school. He made friends with practically everyone he met, and girls tended to swoon over how “darn adorable he is!!!” He certainly had no social handicaps, and somehow he’d managed to worm his way through the impermeable shell encasing Derek’s heart, qualifying himself as the Swedish other's first — and only — friend.

    As Derek dusted, something thunked heavily to the floor beside him. He turned to see what he’d disturbed, and was surprised to see a thick, pink-bound journal lying open before her.

    The tall, shady-looking man averted his eyes, aware that he’d happened upon his roommate’s personal journal(though why it was pink, he wasn’t quite sure), but as he reached to close the book, a certain word caught his eye: Derek.

    He stared at the book, internally battling with his conscience. I just want to see how Charlie views me… He told himself. It’s not snooping. Not really, anyway. Plus, it’s not like Charlie will have to know…

    Before he knew it, Derek was perched on the foot of his bed, pink journal in hand. He peered at the page hungrily, taking in the words before him.

    “This is my second week living with that creep, Derek. I don’t think I’ve slept more than ten minutes total. Every second he’s around me, I feel like I have to check behind my back to make sure he’s not holding a knife, ready to slit my throat…He glares at me all day long, and I get the horrible feeling that he wants nothing more than to throw my lifeless body off of a bridge and forget all about it.
     Does he ever smile? I feel like if I were to see him smile, it would either mean that my life is about to change in a good way, or the impending apocalypse. Probably the latter.
    Well, it’s almost curfew, and I want to visit Jon next door before I go to bed to tell him that if he wakes up and I’ve gone missing, to tell my mother that I love her.

    Charlie Keller”



     Charlie sighed heavily, worn out from his desperate search for a dustpan, which had taken him halfway across the entire school property. He and Derek had decided to scour their dorm by the end of the day, and curfew was fast coming. He turned the doorknob and clomped into the room, ready to start the hard task of cleaning again.

     Before him, Derek sat on his bed, faced away from him and shoulders shaking in a way that could only suggest he was crying, and hard.

     Charlie was shocked and terrified. Derek had never shown any outward sign of emotion at all, and Charlie was completely unsure of how to handle this situation. He hesitantly approached the silently sobbing other, wondering what the source of such unexpected strong sentiments could be.

     He placed a nervous hand on Derek's shoulder, knowing that his roommate was generally fond of physical contact, but to his surprise, Derek jerked away at the touch.

    "'M s'rry, 'm so s'rry," the young man mumbled, scrubbing rebelliously at his tears, but still didn't face Charlie.

    "Derek, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

    Charlie tugged at his friend's arm, trying to get him to turn around, but Derek was stubborn. The shorter one looked around their little room in desperation, trying to find out what had triggered Derek's usually hidden emotional side.

    Then, his eyes rested on the pink-bound book lying at Derek’s feet.

    Charlie’s eyes widened in understanding. Derek had read one of his entries from his old journal! Charlie had written some pretty harsh things in there, back before he had gotten to know Derek, but he could tell why Derek was feeling so upset.

    He cautiously approached his friend, putting an arm around his broad shoulders gently. Derek stiffened at the amount of contact, but didn't pull away this time.

    "Derek…Derek, listen to me. Are you okay? Calm down, please. This journal is from two years ago; I don’t think that way any more. See the date?" Charlie bent down to retrieve his book. He quickly skimmed the entry, realizing that Derek had perhaps selected the worst possible paragraph to read. He had mentioned nothing except how much Derek scared him. "Oh my gosh, Derek…I’m so sorry…But see here? It says 2010, our first year here. I was really nervous to start high school, and I guess I was a bit paranoid…Come on, Derek, really. You’re a great friend. Forgive me?"

    Derek, who still hadn’t met his friend’s eyes, spoke quietly. The rough sobs had subsided, but silent tears still dripped from his chin, and his bottom lip quivered ominously. "'M s’rry, d’dn’t me’n to sc’re yah." He stared daggers at the wall in front of him, then abruptly stood. "Bye." He brushed past Charlie, eyes averted, and left the room.

    Charlie stared after him, wondering what had just happened. What had Derek meant when he’d said goodbye? Was he mad? Should Charlie chase after him?

    Maybe he just wants to calm down by himself, maybe he needs quiet…What exactly is he doing?

    After a short mental debate, Charlie decided to follow his friend, and bounded out the door into the hallway. He looked around, uncertain of which way to go, when he spotted his neighbor Jon standing nearby.

    "Hey, Jon!" he called. "Have you seen Derek?"

    Jon looked up and smiled when he recognized his friend. "Yeah, he went that way. Toward the principal’s office, I think."

    The principal’s office…?

    "Oh, uh, thanks, Jon!" Charlie waved goodbye and galloped down the hall after his friend.

    A couple of minutes and a very painful side cramp later, Charlie reached the principal’s office room. Gasping, he leaned against the wall. Gosh. I need to get in shape.

    After catching his breath, he turned to open the door to the office, but was confronted with a very tall person’s torso. He looked up, startled, to meet the glaring eyes of Derek.



    Derek internally flinched with surprise as he opened the door to see Charlie looking up at him, though he suspected his own stupid expression stayed the same. His eyes widening a millimeter, he backed away from his "friend" standing in the doorway.

    Poor little Charlie…He must be so scared…I didn’t mean to creep him out! Honest! Maybe I just should go back to having no friends; at least I wouldn’t traumatize innocent people anymore.

    He ducked his head down again and tried to slide past the concerned-looking Charlie, but the other grabbed his hand quickly. “Derek, what were you doing in here?

    Derek tried to look innocent, but managing his facial expressions generally seemed to fail outright. Suddenly, a door behind him opened, and the principal of the school walked into the holding room.

    "Oh, hello, Charlie," she smiled. "I was just going to call you down here. We need to discuss the matter of who your new roommate will be."

    Derek’s heart did a flip as Charlie stared at her. This was not how Derek had wanted to tell him, but it was too late now…

    "New…roommate? Why?" He looked at Derek with a mixture of confusion and hurt. It broke Derek’s heart to see him like that, but he told himself that it was for Charlie’s own good.

    "Derek just requested that I move him to the open dormitory, Room 317. I’m curious though, Derek," she now addressed him, "why did you choose that room? It’s not a very popular request, as it’s fairly far away from the other occupied dorms."

    He heard a gasp as Charlie apparently made sense of the situation. "Oh, Derek, did you request to switch rooms? Why?"

    Derek’s eyes flicked toward the principal pointedly. She caught his gesture and nodded, backing out of the room to give them privacy.

    "Don’t w’nt yah t’ be sc’red anym’re," he mumbled. Charlie looked upset.

    "You don’t scare me, Derek! Seriously! That entry was written years ago, I…well…" Charlie looked down. "You’re kinda my best friend, Derek…"

    Derek blinked. What? He must have looked a very unusual version of shocked, because Charlie squealed and rapidly apologized. "I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d mind if I said that, let’s just forget I — oof…"

    He was suddenly squeezed into a tight, awkward embrace by Derek. After the initial shock was gone, Charlie hesitantly hugged back. They stood like this for a minute until Derek realized just how awkward it was to be hugging an almost-grown, if short, man, and promptly let go. Charlie didn’t seem fazed by the awkwardness at all, however, and he beamed up at his friend.

    Friend. It felt good to be able to call someone that without wondering whether they thought the same of Derek or not. He, Derek Oxenstierna, had a friend.